Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
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