just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
