The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
