Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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