ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
