i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
