I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
