i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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