My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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