I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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