Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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