Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
