She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
