You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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