Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
