shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
