Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
