I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
