The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
