You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
