So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
