God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
