Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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