therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
