your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
