our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
