Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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