i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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