I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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