he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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