everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
