I looked at my own cervix.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
