NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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