I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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