The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
