I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it hurts more in the daytime
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
