did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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