I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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