Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
