I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
then he tried to convert me to islam
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
