It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
