I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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