4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
