Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
