Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
