First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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