I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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