when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
