I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
