And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Randomize
