I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
