is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
